My thoughts on Transformers: The Last Knight

Long story short. It is bad? No.

Is it GOOD? Oh HELL no.

This is probably the second best Transformers movie after the first. (I’m not counting the animated movies.) But that is faint praise in itself. This movie is insane and not in a good way. I gotta disagree with Sam when he said this movie was boring… It’s not boring. There’s ALWAYS something going on. It’s just always something stupid, explosive or stupid-explosive. But quite frankly, I’m just gonna get to the point.

This one got rid of the same writer that we’ve had since the second, and replaced him with the guys who gave us Iron Man. Hasbro was pulling more control over the movie, keeping a leash on Bay. Several writers came in and plotted out a multi movie plan for several sequels. They were going to set things up for a vast new universe, including the other Hasbro properties. 

And it was more of the same.

Not exactly the same, but close enough.

It’s OBVIOUS this movie was made for China and if that’s what China wants, they can have it. At this point in time, I’m sick of defending this movie series. It’s not a good movie, like the Martian or the Arrival. It’s not a fun movie like the Marvel and Star Wars films. And it’s not even a so bad, it’s awesome movie like the Fast and Furious movies. It’s just… There. And it HAS NOT improved.

And I used to think it was worth it. I mean, as questionable as the movies were, the money it made from it was put into expanding the other elements of the franchise. Better toys, better comics, better cartoons. Well… Those aren’t happening anymore. The toys today are subpar to toys put out five years ago. The cartoon (which isn’t as good as it could be) is kinda heading toward it’s probably conclusion. And the comics seem to be stagnating ever since Revolutions. Except for one book but OH WAIT, THEY CANCELLED IT! At this point in time… I’m just not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

Trying to remain spoiler free here. (If I slip up, I apologize.) This movie introduced the idea that the Cybertronians have been involved in Earth’s history for centuries. The Transformers have such a rich and detailed mythology of their own that they decided to mix it in with OURS? It’s tone is inconsistent, one moment showing the horrors of the medieval battlefield, and in the very next cut in the scene, we got a drunk Merlin. We have the Autobots fighting in WWII. We have YET ANOTHER Anti-Transformers team running around Earth. And at some point in time, you’re like… Stop. Just stop trying so hard. And that’s what this movie feels like. It feels like it’s trying so hard to be cool, without understanding what it’s doing. 

There are some good things about the movie. The special effects are stunning, but at this point in time, that’s not a surprise anymore. The actress Isabela Moner, who plays Izabella… Guess it’s an easy name to remember… That girl is ACTING her ass off. She pretty damn good. And thank you to whatever Supreme Being may be out there in the universe, because Bay doesn’t sexualize her. But not that it matters too much, because despite the trailers, she’s not in this movie all that much. And that’s something to point out. The disgusting humor is gone. The Romeo and Juliet, the Deep Wang, the enemy’s scrotum… That inappropriate humor is gone now. There’s still stupid humor, but it’s not at the expense of a minor's dignity.

The next movie is the Bumblebee spinoff, and this one has EVERYTHING going for it. Travis Knight is directing it. He’s an amazing director with a strong sense of characterization and pacing. He directed what I thought was the best animated movie of last year, Kubo and the Two Strings. (And there was a LOT of good animated movies last year!) The writer is good, they said that it would have more focus on the robots and less on the people. (Same for the lead actress.) There’s a hundred reasons to believe that this movie will be… Good. And right now, I don’t believe it will be. Because I just sat through The Last Knight. 

The good news is if they wanted to reboot the thing, this movie, while sequel baiting, left off at a perfect “reboot point”, where you can pull an “X-Men First Class here and have a new beginning.

And you know what annoys me the most?

Earlier this year, I saw the Power Rangers movie. It was legitimately good. Way better than it ever deserved to be. It was fun, creative, faithful and you CARED about the characters. And that movie, which DESERVES a goddamned sequel probably won’t get one. 

But the Transformers will have dozens.